Gratitude Day 2: Full Moons & Mushrooms. Also, Food & Feminism.

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SO👏
You can safely assume that if I am posting on this blog, that I'm most likely in my Studio, drinking ☕, having enjoyed my morning medication and taken in something that uplifts, educates, and inspires me.
This morning ritual makes my entire day better.
And, in turn, entire existence.

This morning, I even ate within an hour of waking.

The Essential Baking Company Super Seeded, Gluten free bread, Kraft Extra Smooth, Sliced banana, and Ontario Strawberries.

 This is a big deal for me and I'll come back to my relationship with food and trying to make better habits in a subsequent post.

SO👏
This morning I watched The rest of the documentary that I started last night Feminists: What Were They Thinking on Netflix.  It was awesome. 
I need to watch it a second time to take notes, frankly. 
There was a lot of things touched on that I want to explore more fully. 
It was powerful.
It brought me to tears a few times. 
I've never felt more proud of being a woman than when i watched countless trailblazers of Amazon women taking on the world, demanding - fighting - for some of the things that we're a still fighting for, some things that these women, through hard work and relentless activism... radically living with purpose and intent... gah.
Overwhelmingly INCREDIBLE!!!
SO👏
Watch it.
You won't be sorry.



GRATITUDE!!!!👏
Day 2. 👏
YAASSSSS👏👏👏👏👏
Full👏 Moon👏 Magic👏!!!
🌕♉

Last night, as mentioned in the previous post, was the full moon of Taurus.
I am a Taurus, so this is, essentially, my moon.
In an effort to add new habits and get on a serious path of consistent levelling up in life, I decided to really dive into my divine feminine - embrace my inner goddess.
One way that really resonates with me is moon rituals.
Now, I don't follow any books, literature, or instructions of any sort.
I do whatever I feel compelled to do.
In past months,  I've been aware that the full moon and new moon are happening.
I sorta-kinda-not-really set some hypothetical intentions and vapidly 'let go' of what no longer serves me,  without putting in any real effort whatsoever.
Guess what that results in?
Equally mediocre, half-hearted, non-committal-type responses from the universe.
Shocker, eh?😱😂

SO👏
In an effort to change, last night i made and ate a really good dinner,

German Cuisine: from the roots of my 1st Generation Canadian, Paternal Grandma.
Pork Schnitzel, Sweet & Sour Red Cabbage, Hot Potato Salad (links with photos below)

I ran the dishwasher, got everything settled, then ate not quite an eighth of mushrooms, (which is enough to get me where I want to go so far as ascension, but not lose my faculties or ability to function), ground up and mixed with a spoonful of PC Tzatziki.

Psilocybin Mushrooms

I went to my studio to kill some time while I waited.
This is when I started the aforementioned documentary.
I smoked a couple bowls and drank lots of water to counteract the nausea that always happens when I take mushrooms.
I've been doing mushrooms for about 16 years now. Not super regularly, but I really love them.
I did them when I was younger just to trip balls and escape for a few hours (ate a quarter oz to get to that level of 'reality').
Now I do them for the spiritual experience and the ability to use the medicine to help me ascend, bend my mind, and consider possibilities given to me directly from the Universe.
After about 20 minutes, I started to feel things blur around the edges and I got myself ready to go outside to bask in the light of the moon.
It was clear and crisp and bright.
Massive, so close and so far.
I wrapped myself up in 2 blankies, and moved my hammock so it was under the big walnut tree, with the moon shining through and got in.
I could feel the light on my face when I closed my eyes.

Full Moon through the Old Walnut Tree from my Samsung Galaxy S7, in my back yard in St Thomas, Ontario

I sat in the hammock so my feet were on the ground and I just swung.
For about an hour.
It was cold, but mostly I wasn't really aware of that.
Just in passing moments.
I just let myself bathe in the light. open to all the quiet, still power of the moons ability to amplify and transform the Universe's cosmic energy.
It was glorious.
Peaceful.
I was grateful - am grateful.
Eternally.
I swung.
I basked.
I gave thanks.

After about an hour, I came in the house, went to bed in the dark, and continued to let myself travel to parts unknown.
Partly meditative, partly lucid dreaming and still, every now and then, grounding myself back into this reality so that I could make mental notes about what I was experiencing.

I won't get into the 3 sort of major takeaway points I had too deeply, but one - the first one - that struck me so profoundly was that

I'm never sleeping. Just awake somewhere else.

The second was a vision of me slipping behind this heavy, blue, sort of velvety curtain and finding myself seemingly invisible - at least unnoticed - in a room full of men.
Mostly white, a few who weren't.
There was a distinct presence that I recognized as Russian, and - although I never fully saw faces as they weren't looking in my direction - they all seemed to be working on something that was serious and spoke to each other in hushed, grave tones.
I kept coming in and out of this space, wondering how long they were going to allow it  to go on before someone acknowledged me (as I felt they KNEW I was there but were seemingly unconcerned) and wanted to know how I got there and why.
So I stopped going in, not wanting to press my luck.
I intend to explore this further after looking into it a bit.
Here's hoping that this post didn't put me on some lists. 😂😂😂
But really though.😧

The third thing I saw was something that I recognized as myself.
I was like a giant fiery phoenix.
Both feather and fabric.
Comprised of sheer and lace.
 Flowing and glowing in light I appeared  to emit, in an otherwise great and darkened  hallway of myself.
Where my light shone, I could see that this space was also made of red, rich, flowing tapestries.
I was GLORIOUS.
I am glorious.
Powerful.
Divine.


I will most likely spend the rest of my day, going about my business, but all the while, meditating on these events and what they might be telling me. By all means, if you have any thoughts to share with regards to this, please do. All insights are of valued information.

The biggest take away from ALL OF THIS is that I have started to see myself as abundant.
Instead of scarce.

I have enough.

I am enough.

I can give of my abundance and share my wealth.
I can exchange energy as currency, not just money energy.
I have things of value to contribute.
I have divine purpose.

I'm excited about life.

I have no idea where it will take me but for the first time I'm really not scared or worried.
Just open.
Excited.
Invigourated.

GRATEFUL

Full moons.🌕
Full moon magic.♉🌕🌟
Magic mushrooms.🍄

YYYYAAAASSSSSSSS

Be blessed and be a blessing!

XO

K

Recipes From Last Night's Dinner!

All were converted to Gluten Free by substituting with Gluten Free flour, bread crumbs, and thickener. All vinegar used was Apple Cider Vinegar

Sweet & Sour Red Cabbage
For this I used the Red Wine option.

Hot Potato Salad

Pork Schnitzel
Added onion powder, garlic salt, and parsley flakes to the bread crumbs.

Gratitude

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SO👏
As I've been formulating and nourishing this post in my head since the spark of an idea came to me about 10 min or so ago, my mind has gone in SEVERAL directions. Hopefully I don't lose any in transit becuase this could be interesting. 😂😂😂 Ah, a little adhd and morning bong rips. It's a good life.🙌💓

SO👏
I'm sitting in my studio ( www.facebook.com/hamsahippiehealing/ ), enjoying my quiet morning hours alone,  while my 10 yr old (I KNOW RIGHT?!? She's getting SUPER grown!) sleeps (remind me to come back to this)...
I LOVE this time of day because it's MY time. I try to get some down time on both ends of the day, but morning FOR SURE.
My morning routine is coffee, a couple of bowls, and something to watch that either makes me feel good or really think. I'm actually trying to take my own advice and start making one new healthy habit, as often as I can cope with adding them in.

SO👏
This brings me to this post, as I decided that really, I needed more gratitude in my life.
Life has been a struggle lately and I've started to come of the darkness and just recognize and ACCEPT that I need certain things to function.
I'm an empath and an introvert and a Kundalini Sorceress (thank your Mary Louise🙌).

THERE👏 IS A LOT👏 GOING👏 ON HERE.👏  😂👐💓

I need connection.
Human, adult connection.
That's what fills me up and gives me my power💪 and motivation,
Energetically, male, the opposite to my own, is what literally fuels my fire.
(Women do something totally different for me that is absolutely transcendent and beautiful and sacred, but male energy is literally like putting petrol in your vehicle for me)
At Any Rate.
Obviously, I digress.
As the fuck I am want to do. (Squirrel)

SO👏
This morning I woke up REALLY wanting to watch Russell Brand's (I LOVE HIM) video about Kanye. (link below)
No expectations. Just absolute curiosity and tbh I hadn't even really seen what Ye had said because i wasn't that interested But, I WAS interested in what RB thought about it. This seemed like a good way to get the skinny on Ye without ACTUALLY having to watch Ye, ya know?

SO👏
I opened my YouTube app on my phone, and first saw this TedTalk about orgasms so I watched that first (albeit with some internal struggle and then acquiescing) because it SEEMED like the fates demanded it.

(Link below)

I did the smoking 2 bowls part of this morning ritual whilst watching this video and drinking coffee. Hence this post. 😂😂😂
The video was awesome and I intend to share in on whatever platforms of social media that I subscribe to as I just really liked the whole thing. (It was pretty hetero normative slant, but I think the presenter was so... that makes sense)
I liked her. She made me laugh. She was... quip-ish and wholesome, despite the stigma of her topic and being a woman talking on it 😱(gasp).
She taught me new things.
10/10


SO👏
I'm watching Russell Brand and my coffee is 3/4 of the way gone, I wanna get more, and I am waiting for him to pause so I can pause it (he edits them out.)
**Very tricky of you Russell. How am I to get some more coffee, Mate? TAKE AN UNEDITED BREATH, LOVE!**
I go out to the kitchen. All happy from my caffeine upper and my weed 'euphoria' (i hate that they call it that. I don't feel euphoric all the time, let me tell you, and if I'm at home i tend to stay low-key lit all day. Purely medicinal.)

I get my Silk Coconut Milk (that's my favourite one.  but usually have pc points for So Delicious and it comes in tetras that i can store in the pantry so... practicality and savings wins. This time Checkout 51 had a $0.50 cash back so I went for it!) out of the fridge and just get this OVERWHELMING sense of gratitude that I live a life where I can get coconut milk in a carton for my coffee.
I really don't use it in anything else.  I don't really drink it. Maybe 2x/yr with some gf 'oreos'.
I can't drink cows milk without it making me really wish I hadn't. and now it always tasted slightly of cow to me, since I've gone off it so long.

I was so grateful for this coconut milk. Because I love my coffee☕ and wanted to be able to keep on loving it and reduce my sugar intake ( Although, I got original this time, inadvertently).

So then I decided that I should start a gratitude journal.
My friend Kasey had posted about her stack of old journals on fb and about how she wondered why she held on to them and decided to release them. I loved that thought. I love her. She is powerful and incredible. aA mighty woman.

I've been getting told to journal FOREVER in my life. Since I was a kid. I always knew people who did. I lacked the discipline.
It's time to change that.
I need to take better care of myself.
I'm not gettin'  any damned younger. 😂

So, I pondered quickly,(as i do) and processed how I should do this.
What notebook is should use.
If I use a notebook, should I purpose an old one or crack a fresh one.
Do i really want to hand write it, because that is so slow and doesn't allow my brain to keep from losing thoughts, since typing can get my thoughts out faster.
MUCH FASTER. 
Especially since I learned to get it out and edit AFTER and not let my OCD control me and cause me to fail.
I control it.
IT will get fixed before it gets published. I type better when I look at my hands. I played the piano the same way.

SO👏
Then I thought about this little old blog sitting unused on the interwebs.
Another thing that i didn't ever complete because of OCD and allowing it to be a block not being able to get started.
(Props to Dr Stephanie Rimka for recommending that book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert, of Eat, Pray, Love fame.. I haven't read it all yet but the things you said about it planted seeds and have ultimately brought me here now. I did buy it and i started it yesterday. Credit again to Kasey for the gift that is Dr Rimka, and for telling me to just read the danged book).


SO👏
This will be the place I do my journal. At least some of it. I'm so temped to just be 100% raw and real and bear it all. But... maybe not QUITE yet.
You'll keep getting a good slice, for sure.
So, today I'm grateful for coconut milk.
In my coffee.
While I sit in my happy, quiet, sacred space and do my morning habits, and keep adding new ones.
I am grateful for personal evolution.
I'm grateful for recognizing my gifts and self investing and self care.
I'm grateful to those who play their part in helping make all of it possible.
The souls who surround me who help to create such an abundant human experience.

It is not lost on me that this is on the eve of the full moon of Taurus.
That I, a typical Taurus, am embarking on this journey at this time.
I am starting to empower myself.
I gotta grab life by the balls and do the things I'm destined to do.
It's gotta start somewhere.
And I just had to start.
So here it is.

Thanks for joining me on the journey.
We all need a witness.

Bless!✌💓💋
xo

K

**now to finish that RB on Ye video! LOL**


 orgasm tedtalk

Joy follows struggle.

So two things:

First, my daughter has a phrase that she likes to say when she is fully successful at something she's attempted or when she's completed a task, etc. That phrase is "Boom Shakalaka".

I don't know what it means but it seems to give her a sense of victory or the victory procedes it and that's how she exclaims, expresses, verbalizes that. At any rate it's what she says and it always makes me feel joy when I see the look on her face of satisfaction and victory and utters that phrase.
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Secondly, I find myself feeling melancholy, more introspective than usual, perhaps just having a... well, at one point I guess I would have called it a "low day" but I feel that would be a misnomer at this point.
Because I find myself.... allowing the feeling and being present in it because were it not for days like this, I would have no comparison or contrast for days where the joy is unmistakable and easily identifiable.

So while today is a physical struggle -- due to nagging a headache and really feeling the sinus blockage and sore this and sore that like every other day, although especially so today -- I still choose to embrace the struggle,  because I recognize that my "low points" only magnify the high points that most assuredly will appear.
I embrace the struggle so that I might be open to and aware of and seeing to embrace the joy.

Well, I guess actually three things: because I also observe, that while I relish the sunshine and finding peace and gentle  tranquility in my day,  having a hippie lawn mower really does mean you have to mow your lawn every couple of days to stay on top of it and not be "that neighbour ", so hooray for sore knees? Lol

The Struggle Is Real ( And admitting it is okay and even cathartic)

I am struggling.
I'm struggling with stress from finances.
I'm struggling with using old, familiar, unhealthy (mainly dietary) (destructive) coping tactics (junk food binging) in the face of increased, ongoing, uncontrollable stress.
I'm struggling with moving forward. 
Life is in limbo for up to the next year. 
Not being able to make plans for the future cripples me with fear.
With all the work I've put in on undoing bad habits, creating a positive inner voice, I'm paralyzed by fear of the unknown and unable to keep working on reversing and surpassing.
I am struggling and even admitting it is dangerous because there are those who will read this and try to use it against me.
But I have to admit it. 
I must speak it. 
Because in past, I haven't and it's made it worse. 
I don't need sympathy or pity. 
I don't need placating comments, or cliches, or well meaning platitudes.
I just need to be able to say, out loud, standing firmly in my fear,  that 
I
Am
Struggling.

It will pass. 
It always does. 
I'll survive, as we do, because we always do.
I'll never choose to give up. 
It will never be more than I can bear.
But for now......

I struggle.

Mini Minecraft Monster!

     So I bought ‪#‎Minecraft‬ pocket edition for B (my 6 yr old) last night. I can get her to do almost nothing today as she is firmly attached to her tablet, more so than usual. I may have created a monster. I'm already greeted by that 'teen' eye rolling and laboured sigh when I ask her to tidy up her toys that are all over the living room (because her room is too overwhelming for either of us to even fathom unaided). I am reticent to look forward to the pubescent years at this rate.
Love this kid.

Just a thought!

This was a post that I made this morning in a fb group I belong to called GE Ascension.
I thought it was a good blog post as well, since this was a closed group.



I wake up earlier than I 'need' to, almost every day (0600-0700). In this up to 3 hour period of time, I have some quiet bathroom time (even at the age of 6 going on 25, she still needs SOMETHING while I'm droppin' it like it's hot!), coffee and bong rips and internet surfing for things pertaining to our unschooling methods (this morning was tie dying with Sharpies and isopropyl, some mornings it's the neuroscience and neurodevelopment of my child at this age, looking for questions that she wanted answers to that I didn't have at that moment, etc.) Start laundry and clean the kitchen/run dishwasher (if it's a weekend or before 6am), shower in peace for as long as I want. This is my TIME! By 0900 I know that my time is going to be over, any minute. So I start every single day trying to be present, to recharge and just enjoy being alive!
I gotta tell ya, it's starting to become a habit.
Would you call this meditation? I don't know. I"m still waiting for someone to tell me exactly how to do that. (I don't get the whole 'blank mind thing... could be the ADHD)
What I do know is that I'm happier, less snappy, starting to change the dialogue of my inner voice to one of positivity and empowerment rather than self loathing and harsh, biased, criticisms. I'm less judgemental and scathing toward others as well (mostly in my head... I can be a REAL frosty, calculating, cunt in my head).
It's something I had to do.
I wanted my daughter to grow up with a kind inner dialogue, not one where she was constantly chastising and criticizing herself.
The ONLY way to achieve that FOR SURE is to LIVE IT.
So, I'm getting there. Slowly but surely. It's so fucking cliche that it makes me cringe, but the truth in it is undeniable: 'Be the change that you wish to see in the world." Mahatma Ghandi
Happy weekend!
Be gettin' irie!

Happy New Year!

Just a quick thought...
we talk about the new year like the passing of the clock will make things better...
you will only ever reap what you sow... each day that you awake is a new day and a new chance to try to be as authentic to yourself as you can be, while honouring those around you and being dignified and respectful and LOVING towards them...
just my 2 cents.
'via Blog this'