Quitting Smoking

So, I'm just starting this blog whilst quitting smoking... not sure why, but here's what's happened to this point:

• 2 Fridays ago I went to my gp for a 'smoking cessation' medication
• we decided that Zyban (Wellbutrin) was my best option
• I started it the next day (Saturday, Dec. 4th)
• I've continued to smoke throughout the time that's elapsed until today
• I haven't really suffered too many of the side effects, which is strange because I'm wildly sensitive to pharmaceuticals 

So this morning I get up to get ready to go to my mom's church with my daughter (she's going to be 3 at March's close). I get through getting B her breakfast and diapered (she refuses to go on the potty... the end) and dressed and hair done, myself showered and both 'beautified' (she likes to have some 'eyes' too and then promptly wipes the teeny bit that she has on, off). I've been up since 0730 and it wasn't 'til 0900 that I thought, 'Hey, I haven't had a smoke yet.' 

This is strange since usually I wake up, go pee, start the coffee and then have a 1/3-1/2 smoke and then off to the bathroom again. Then coffee is done and I pour a cuppa, and finish smoke #1.

I didn't make coffee this morning either... strange again.

I went for a smoke when it occured to me that I hadn't had one and lit up, took a drag, inhaled it deeply (you know you make love to the first drag of the day) and felt..... NOTHING!

I was a little shocked and slightly miffed... where was it? Where was that sense of relief and release from that first puff? It was gone! I puffed a couple more and still nothing.

It wasn't the same... the taste was different, the smell didn't make me happy, it was foreign and unfamiliar... I suspect this is how those people feel who just wake up and feel like they don't know the person who they married nearly 17 years prior.... I was a veteran smoker, and it seemed bizarre.

It was a bit of a mindf*$k too, I'm not gonna lie... I wanted to want that ciggie, but I felt nothing.

It reminds me of a man I dated who had everything that a girl could ever want but I felt NOTHING for him so I let it go. A DOCTOR ladies, but there was NO spark. Nadda.

I guess this is how smoking will be for me now. Most likely I'll try again to make sure it wasn't a fluke (I've tried about 3 times today but nothing every time... damnit, that's my longest committed relationship to date!) but I'm thinking that it's just done. 

My mistress has died.

So long, sucka!

CrAzYmOmMa